Eugene's Dreams The First Temptation: Power and Doubt -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I In this life I have always asked too many questions. Including the ones about our existence. Until one day, one night, instead of being answered, they were all vanished from my conscience. Never I have had such a dream. It was the first time he, The Devil, appeared in a self-presence. That night I was discussing with someone I didn't know about what is his role in this world, in this existence. He, opposed to what I believe, thought that without his presence this world would have been a single and boring one. The discussion ended and I went to sleep with an uneasy feeling, as I always do when talking about such things. That night I didn't turn off all the lights; I didn't turn the TV off, but instead I muted it and put the sleep timer to 110 minutes, using the light of the images as my goodnight bulb. Fighting to stay awake, as always, I felt asleep without noticing. Then it happened. My dream started. II In the dream, my best friend and I planned to have some swing sex with a couple we have just only met in some recent party. Kate was going for the tall, black-hair guy, and I planned on this blonde bitch with not a so gorgeous body. We all entered my house. A little of chitchat and then Kate and the blonde bitch were going to make some drinks. The black-hair guy and I stayed on the hall. "I'm The Devil," he said, with a calm voice and a strange look on his eyes, as soon as the girls were not visible from our point of view. "HA!" I shouted on my mind. "Crazier they can't be these days," I thought. "Yeah, no problem, you are The Devil," I replied just for the sake of saying something in such a strange presentation. I heard the voices laughing on my mind, don't know why. Keeping my look on his eyes. "I'm The Devil, Eugene, believe it or not," he said as if he were reading my thoughts. Maybe he knew someone normal would not believe such a thing. "Eugene, I know what you want to do this day," I remembered that I had not told my name to him. I was thinking... "it's just one time, one night, no one will know it..." Then, at last, the girls came back. Kate kept looking at the guy as if she just wanted to jump into him. I looked at the blonde, and again thought "it's just one night". Then as we were walking into the rooms we passed through some mirror doors located in the hall. His reflection didn't come up. Still I looked at his eyes seeing that he was looking at me too, with an evil smile. The laughs. When I looked again I noticed the girls were looking at the mirror too, but they all saw his reflection, as I did, now. "A vampire," I thought. In the end, it was all a dream, everything could happen. No matter if I believed in vampires or not. III I pulled the guy's arm into the bathroom. "Why does your reflection didn't come up in the mirror?!" I asked him astonished. "You know why, you just have to believe," he replied. OK, I believe it. In the end, it was all a dream. "So, you are The Devil, what are you doing here then?" I asked him, as if I didn't know the answer. "I'm here for you, Eugene. You had to see me with your own eyes, to believe." "What eyes?" I thought, it is all a dream. So, The Devil, started to argue with me. "I read what you said today. It's not easy for a soul to tell such things. Not for a human soul. Not for yourself. You know those words would in some way arrive to my ears," The Devil said. At this point I knew who I was talking to. And, instead of running or getting more afraid than what I was, I said what I wanted to say, "If you are The Devil, you are the fallen angel, God's most loved angel. How does it feel to be side to side with God?" He looked at me, with the strangest face I have ever seen. Maybe he never expected such a question. No, not from a human. "I can't answer that question, and you know it bothers me," he answered. "But, he still loves you, and you know it. You just don't want to hear. You don't what to be loved by him," I said, as I always wanted to. I said what some friend taught me once. "No. He doesn't. He's not what all of you believe 'he' is. You know I have to teach you, to prepare you. You know you will be at my side sooner or later." At this point we were in my room. We didn't walk to it, we just appeared there. The girls were not anymore in the house. Were they there at first? IV I knew that, in some way, he was the one who took us to my room. Maybe he got powers as some people said he had. He started to write some words in one of my notebooks. He didn't write sentences, they were all words. He showed me the notebook. He said, "This is what you have to learn. Some of them you have already known, but they are starting to disappear in you. I want you to read them, study them, to learn them." So I took the notebook and started to read: hate, angry, egoism, myself, I, etc. those were some of the words he wrote. He noted that while I read them I didn't pay too much attention to them. "It's time for another 'lesson'," he said. Then we appeared back in the bathroom. Now near the toilet. I noticed he now was taller. "How did you did that thing of the reflection?," I asked, disturbed. "It's just a trick I chose before coming here. It's not a great thing at all," said The Devil. I looked into his eyes and noticed that maybe he knew what I was thinking about. "Chose? So, he doesn't know them all... how?", I thought. "Maybe he's not The Devil, maybe I really know why he is here. Is he looking for a replacement? For a new "Devil"? Maybe there is just not one Devil... why he said preparing? Will I be what I had feared the most?" All the thoughts were now disturbing me. I kept looking at his eyes. For the first time I saw him as a soul, one of those souls that Euriclides saw in the story Catharsis. I saw him as a soul in disgrace; fragile, soft, in sadness, not evil. I saw him as he needed me, as a friend... I saw him as if I needed him as a friend too. Then it happened. He played another of his 'tricks'. His form changed, he now was not a black-haired guy. He got short hair now, brown. He now has hair in his chin. He's whiter now, skinnier. He looked more like a friend I have. He was good. He knew who to interpret, what to do to get my attention. And this was my first slide. Those powers; they were great. What would I do if I had them? Again he was looking at me with a smile. He senses it. I feel the voices laughing again. And again, he grunts. I knew on which side I was, no matter if I doubted it for a second. V We were now on my room, again. "Read them again," he said. He never says please. And so I read them, the words on the notebook. Hate, angry, egoism... but there were two more words now: fear and suffer. He was looking at me again. Now in a soft way. As an instinct the thought of mentor and apprentice came to my mind; hoped that wasn't the truth. I closed my eyes and in some sort of a way felt how, without touching me, he passed his hand through my head. As a father does with his son. But again, he exploded with fury when he noticed that while I read the words again and again, I never pay attention to them. VI His fury was obvious. His form changed, again. Not very smooth. He showed his natural way of behavior. The dream environment changed, it was all dark now. Too much wind, too much void. Too much destruction. He yelled some words I couldn't understand. It was psychodelic. And then... at 4:35 AM I woke up... my head hurted, but in a matter of less that 5 seconds I felt great. No pain. I was laughing. In some way, this battle wasn't won by anyone, but the triumph was at my hand. My all-life sadness disappearead like it happened to Bruce Willis in Unbreakable. The questions didn't had to be answered. I was happy... very happy. He came to tempt me, though he couldn't. My room was dark, the TV had turned off. I went to sleep at 3:25 AM. It was his mark, the dark. And I knew it wasn't all about a dream. And suddenly a heavy -but soft- voice told me at my right ear: "You did it. But the next one will be more difficult." It was not The Devil who told me that. It was another... being. I was all alone in the dream. Outside of it, I'm not. VII My thoughts disturb me again. Is this one the first dream? I slided in this one, and the next ones will be more difficult... will I? Why does he need souls? Why does he wants MINE? And again... the questions received nothing as an answer. And my soul still thinks that he, The Devil, needs me as a friend. I don't know why, but I want to talk to him again. I know it's crazy, but it's something that doesn't get out of my mind. I didn't see any good inside him... still there is a chance, for any being, to be redeemed. Will I have more of these dreams? I just don't know... I'm here. Waiting. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- All content copyright 2000 J. Drowne. All Rights Reserved. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Back to index